It's a tunnel, not a black hole

The thing about life is that sometimes it is so incredibly awesome. And then it really sucks. And then it's great again, or maybe it's mediocre for a while. Suckish. Okay. Wonderful. No matter where you are in your journey right this minute, I heard something very important last week that I need to share.

"It's a tunnel, not a black hole."

The text came through last Saturday morning, before the day even hit the craziest part. I reread it at least ten times before I could really get it. Because when you are in the tunnel and there's no end in sight, you surely wonder if it IS, in fact, a black hole. Mental illness is a nasty beast. It convinces you of so many lies that it becomes impossible to decipher the truth anymore. And so I told myself it's just a tunnel.

My daughter ended up in the ER that afternoon. We were out of town and I was very much out of my comfort zone. Tunnel, not a black hole. We got her taken care of and made it back to our hotel. The rest of the weekend required me to be extra strong for her. I put my emotions on the back burner and pushed through to do what needed to be done. By the time Monday rolled around and we were home again, I sunk into my bed and prayed I could stay there for the whole week. Y'all know the rest of the story. I have three kids. No one has time to stay in bed all week. I spent the majority of my time fighting the hospital where we visited the ER and our insurance company to get everything lined up for my daughter to undergo the next procedure to diagnosis her injury. When the week was over, I had the same thought... can't I just stay in bed all weekend and next week?!

There was a glimmer of light on Friday. I had a really good day. You know, the kind where you almost think you're Wonder Woman without the cape and you cross everything off of your list and still have a little bit of energy left? If you know of the spoon theory, I had more than enough spoons and at least one extra at the end of the day. (If you don't know what that is, you can find a great explanation here.) I don't typically have enough spoons. In fact, most days I run out well before I expect to and then I'm stuck trying to explain why I can't get anything done or why the tunnel feels like a black hole. The spoons reflect the light. When you're out, it's dark.

After one great day, it was back to my typical less-than-stellar spoon delivery and I was in the dark again. This morning, I remembered that it's a tunnel, not a black hole. And I wanted to share that because someone else needs to read that today. You will get through this. Don't go it alone... people love you and want to help you! <3