Alright, Adele. I heard you loud and clear yesterday. I bit the bullet and mustered up all of the courage inside. And I made an amends to someone. I haven't spoken to this person in four or five years. The actual thought of apologizing and asking for forgiveness left me with a huge knot in my stomach. But those lyrics echoed in my head repeatedly. What if I run out of time and never say I'm sorry?!
Suddenly, I'm realizing that there are lots of things I should be doing instead of waiting around. "Someday" is a word I tend to use a lot. What am I waiting for? For the perfect day? Or the right feeling in my heart? Or a bigger bank account? Or less bills? Or a rainbow or a blizzard? Or when it's too late???
Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not telling you to be reckless and spend all your money and go crazy being spontaneous. Spontaneity is my nemesis -- we do not get along very well. I AM telling you that I think we spend an awful lot of time waiting for the "right time" to do things or say things, and then when life happens and we realize we missed the opportunity, we're heart broken. You are the only one who is responsible for your actions or lack thereof.
When I made the decision to start my journey back to health, it was not spontaneous. I remember everything about that day... the conversation I had with my husband, the sinking feeling, the fear, the white flag. Do I wish I had started sooner? Of course I do!!! I had no idea life could be this incredible. But in the same breath that I say that, if I had started sooner, I don't think I would have tried so hard. The desire would not have been the same, the necessity to stop hating myself. And then the effort wouldn't have been equal either. It was my time. I'm grateful I didn't wait any longer. I was already holding on to the knot at the end of my rope.
What are you waiting for? Do you want to start taking your health back? Do you need to apologize to someone for the way your hurt them? What about love? Maybe you need to go after that one person who has always had your heart. Or leave the toxic relationship that you know is not helping you grow as an individual. Or try that task you have dreamed about but have just been too afraid to attempt. It could be as simple as looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you are enough... not that you'll be enough when you have this or that, or when so-and-so says so, but right now.
One thing we are not guaranteed in life is more time. Stop holding your breath and waiting for the perfect moment. It isn't coming. Ever. Right now is the time to just do it. Grit your teeth. Clench your fists if you must. But don't wait. We are all running out of time.
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